Blame Canada!

The Death of Parody (and Alliances)

Blame Canada was an Oscar-nominated satirical song featured in the animated movie, South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut. This was back in 1999, when it was still possible to satirize America, before parody became reality; before we entered an era when Kim Jong-un was being described by an American president as “unthreatening and respectful” and Putin was being repeatedly praised, while our closest allies are constantly threatened. Trump surrenders to our enemies and makes enemies of our allies. And his party still falls in line, over and over. So no, Blame Canada is no longer a parody, it’s a national anthem and a call to arms. And it’s even more ridiculous than it was when the South Park cartoon characters first performed it.

Our hoser in chief thought the latest kerfuffle would leave the Canucks turning into keeners. Well, don’t count your loonies & toonies yet. All the chirping may not lead to the US bringing home the Canadian bacon. They’ve got a Carney and we’ve got a carnie. And Prime Minister Mark Carney has, in many ways, become the global leader of the Trump resistance, and he has declared that Canada is now “at war“ with the US, justifiably telling the administration to go Canuck itself. So chances are that the stupidest trade war in an era of stupidity will end with little financial upside and a whole lot of diplomatic downside. And I’m not asking you to accept the opinion of a remarkably creative and intelligent member of the liberal elite (who also happens to be a quick study when it comes to Canadian slang). Even the WSJ Editorial Board thinks the ten-ply, spare parts Trump administration should give their balls a tug. The Dumbest Trade War Revisited. “Trump’s decision to escalate a tariff brawl with Canada makes no economic or political sense.” (Other than that, it’s a real beauty, eh?)

+ “Yes, Trump can hurt Canada more than Canada can hurt Trump. That part of Trump’s thinking is true. But wars are not decided only by the question Who can inflict more pain? Wars are also decided by the question Who can endure more pain?Trump’s failure to accept this truth is why he lost the Iran war—and why he is losing his trade wars.” David Frum in The Atlantic(Gift Article): How to Lose a Trade War.

+ “A bully refuses to learn that his actions are counterproductive and instead doubles down.” Paul Krugman on why Trump will lose his war with Canada. The Moose That Roared. (The fact that we’re even having a “war” with Canada is already a loss.)

2

Money Shot

At least in the case of Iran, the administration has chosen an appropriate target for economic warfare. Whether it will work where military warfare failed remains to be seen. “Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent announced plans for a wave of new sanctions Monday aimed at further isolating Iran, after threatening the Islamic Republic with ‘an economic D-Day.’” Bessent threatens new Iran secondary sanctions, says Trump asking world leaders to cooperate. Here’s the latest from CNN.

+ There’s no doubt Iran’s economy is suffering. But Robert Kagan still argues that “the dominant power in the Middle East from now on will not be the U.S. or Israel but Iran.” I sure hope he’s wrong. But he’s been pretty right about this war so far. Iran Unleashed. “Neighboring countries are already making their adjustments to this new reality. More distant powers will too. For years, the world has been dealing with an Iran constrained. It will now discover what Iran unleashed looks like.”

3

Chronic Pain

“These newer products are specifically engineered to deliver THC in ways that are often more convenient and discreet than smoking cannabis. That shift is especially concerning for adolescents, whose brains are still developing and are more vulnerable to the effects of repeated exposure to high levels of THC.” NYT (Gift Article): The Weed Got Too Strong. (It’s way too strong for developing minds. It’s not nearly strong enough for news curators.)

4

Don’t Lose Your Shirt on Shirts

“A self-described ‘elder millennial’ came in search of one for the hip-hop group A Tribe Called Quest, but left with an old tee for MTV’s animated series ‘Celebrity Deathmatch,’ which aired in the late 1990s and 2000s. Another ThirftCon attendee was looking to replace a lost tee for the band the Smashing Pumpkins. Some styles for sale at the convention cost more than $800.” WSJ(Gift Article): Your Favorite Old T-Shirt Might Now Be Worth a Fortune. (It makes a lot more economic sense to score a shirt from the NextDraft store. If you want me to pre-wear it while writing a few editions of the newsletter, just let me know.)

5

Extra, Extra

Good Hombres: “Luis Manuel Aviles, 48, was arrested after leaving his house to take his car to the mechanic.” At the same time, his son was “entering his ninth month on the USS Abraham Lincoln.” He was waiting for his son to return from the USS Lincoln. Then Border Patrol arrested him. (Families who have never served are targeting those who are serving. Feel safer?)

+ Allies: “Ukraine has been Europe’s protector, not a drain on our security, but the frontline of keeping Europe safe ... That’s why I believe the Ukrainian people deserve not just our continued support, but our gratitude and our respect.” British Prime Minister Andy Burnham tells it like it is in his first foreign trip to Ukraine.

+ Machine Learning and Discerning: “It is a development long watched for in the war in Ukraine, presaging a dystopian future in which killer robots roam the skies making life-or-death decisions that reduce targets to data points.” A Drone Killed Three Ukrainians. It Was Guided Entirely by A.I.

+ Bunker Shot: “President Donald Trump has claimed that the White House needs a massive new ballroom because it would provide him and future presidents with a secure, hardened facility. But former officials say the argument fails to acknowledge that the presidential complex already has one.” Wait, is this article suggesting a falsehood? WaPo (Gift Article): Secret White House bunker undercuts Trump’s ballroom lawsuit.

+ That’s the Ticket: “The Justice Department was preparing to wage a legal battle more than a decade in the making against the world’s largest concert promoter. Then President Trump called.” WSJ (Gift Article): The Trump Intervention That Got the DOJ Off Live Nation’s Back.

+ Back to School: Last week, Dae’Quan Wright was playing tight end during a Cleveland Browns preseason game. Next week, he might be back playing college football at LSU. (Even if you don’t think of the Browns as being a fully professional football team, this is crazy.)

6

Bottom of the News

“We must continue utilizing Flock technologies so that we can follow and surveil the rebel scum as they move from playground to playground, from playground to pool, from pool to gymnasium.” Darth Vader comes out in favor of Flock cameras at San Diego city council meeting.

+ Humanoid robots run really fast now. Stopping can be more of an issue. And in photos, Scenes From the 2026 World Humanoid Robot Games.