Full of Bull Market

Is the Market in Denial?

Buy low, sell high. Does that adage still apply to the stock market? These days, buy when a company's CEO is kissing the president's ass and sell when the president is calling for the ouster of a company's CEO probably works just as well. Or maybe buy on bribes, sell on ethics? Or you could just buy all crypto and not sell ever, or at least until the crypto industry proves less adept at buying the legislation they want. If you really want to keep busy, you can just buy and sell based on tariff announcements, the real ones and the ones that are immediately changed via executive Truth Social post. Trump's latest tariffs just kicked in, raising import taxes to the highest level since Great Depression. OK, wait. In this new market, is mimicking policies of the Great Depression depressing, or are we just making Depressions Great Again? Don't waste time asking your favorite AI program to ponder such philosophical financial questions. Just buy. "The president’s levies — which are expected to drive up prices for American consumers, and have spooked many businesses around the world — officially took effect just after midnight." But the market wasn't spooked. We've long been told that the American market likes logic, stability, certainty, and a strong rule of law. Well, to paraphrase Willy Wonka, "Strike that, re-invest it."

+ "Can anything stop the stock market? The U.S. economy recently weathered the worst pandemic in 100 years, the worst inflation in 40 years, and the highest interest rates in 20 years. Yet from 2019 through 2024, the S&P 500 grew by an average of nearly 20 percent a year, about double its historical average rate. Despite President Donald Trump’s erratic economic policies, which include the highest tariffs since the 19th century, the market is already up by about 8 percent in 2025." The Atlantic(Gift Article): Does the Stock Market Know Something We Don’t? Confused? Don't worry. Even confusion is a buy signal.

2

K Pop

"Even more alarming is how reliant the economy has become on spending binges by the richest Americans ... The 'K-shaped' economy is back, where there’s a clear divergence between how the top and the bottom are faring. Businesses understand this. It’s why credit card companies have introduced even more exclusive credit cards this summer with higher fees, all-inclusive resorts are debuting $1,000-a-night experiences, and luxury car brands such as Porsche and Aston Martin have been among the first automakers to raise prices, because their clientele is less likely to push back. Any company that can is trying to go “upmarket” as much as possible in this environment." WaPo (Gift Article): The economy is cracking. This trend is most alarming. (Don't be alarmed. Just buy more Ks...)

3

It's All Part of the Process

"Most Americans get more than half their calories from ultra-processed foods, those super-tasty, energy-dense foods typically full of sugar, salt and unhealthy fats, according to a new federal report. Nutrition research has shown for years that ultra-processed foods make up a big chunk of the U.S. diet, especially for kids and teens. For the first time, however, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has confirmed those high levels of consumption, using dietary data collected from August 2021 to August 2023." Americans get more than half their calories from ultra-processed foods, CDC report says. Of course, this report is being shared during the RFK Jr Health and Human Services era, so one wonders if the data has been ultra-processed as well.

4

Oodles of Doodles

"Breeders have long been obsessed with dog optimization. They created the Labrador retriever in the Victorian era to help owners hunt. In Germany, also in the 19th century, a man who ran a local dog pound came up with the Doberman pinscher, thinking he could use more muscle at his other job—as a tax collector. But rather than breeding a dog that has a single utility for a subset of people, people engineered the goldendoodle and various other poodle-based hybrids—labradoodles, schnoodles, bernedoodles, cockapoos, on and on—as the ultimate pets for, well, everyone." Businessweek (Gift Article): Doodlemania: Goldendoodles, labradoodles and bernedoodles are everywhere. They’re now also a high-stakes, billion-dollar industry.

5

Extra, Extra

Meeting Expectations: "President Donald Trump’s abrupt shift from frustration with Russian President Vladimir Putin’s intransigence to a potential one-on-one meeting soon — despite Putin’s refusal to halt attacks on Ukraine or back away from Russia’s core war aims — handed the Russian leader a diplomatic coup, which the Kremlin embraced Thursday." Actually, they may not be meeting. When you get conflicting statements from the Kremlin and the White House in 2025, who should you believe?

+ Re: Member: It's not just that the administration is firing some of its most honest and talented staff. It's who's replacing them. "The Department of Justice hired a former Jan. 6 defendant who was caught on tape urging rioters to 'kill' police. The department calls him a 'valued member' of the administration."

+ You Had Me at Shalom: "As described by their handlers, their motives were a mix of personal and political. Some were seeking revenge against a repressive, clerical regime that had imposed strict limits on political expression and daily life. Others were enticed by cash, the promise of medical care for family members or opportunities to attend college overseas." ProPublica: Israel Secretly Recruited Iranian Dissidents to Attack Their Country From Within.

+ Cain Able? Ex-Superman actor Dean Cain has announced he is planning to join ICE. However, don't think this means you need a super heroic resumé to apply. They even just got rid of age restrictions for the gig. ICE Is Extremely Desperate for You to Work for Them. And once arrests are made, Migrants Vanish Into Opaque ICE Detention System. "Frequent transfers between detention centers, across the country or to multiple locations in a few days, have become commonplace in the second Trump administration, according to more than a dozen immigration lawyers across the country. They describe a trend where their clients are disappearing into an opaque and labyrinthine system that is obstructing their ability to defend themselves in court."

+ The Fugitives: "Senator John Cornyn, Republican of Texas, said on Thursday that the F.B.I. had agreed to his request to help track down dozens of Democratic Texas state lawmakers who left the state to prevent a vote on a redistricting plan." But wait. What about the actual law? Ha, ha, ha.

+ Burning Rubber: "It’s just egregious that they’re willing to waste $9 million worth of contraceptives that are so desperately needed ... Women are going to die because they’ve not had access to those contraceptives." NYT (Gift Article): As Trump Administration Plans to Burn Contraceptives, Europeans Are Alarmed. (The second half of that title can work with almost any headline.)

+ Still in the Room Where it Happened: "It’s a running joke that he’s moved into the building. Fans predict he’ll haunt the place one day — they call him the Phantom of the Rodgers." The only actor who's been in 'Hamilton' the whole time is still having a blast.

6

Bottom of the News

"Do you eat enough protein in a day? Don’t even bother answering, because I know the answer is no. But don’t worry, I’m kind of a protein guy. I can give you all the guidance you need so you can stop being such a weak little bitch. I eat three hundred times my recommended daily allowance of protein. So as you can imagine, my life is perfect. I can crush a fifteen-gallon stainless-steel trash can with my thighs. I could lift your sofa above my head and throw it so far you’ll never see it again." McSweeney's: You Don’t Eat Enough Protein and It Sickens Me.

+ Defector: Are You Aware of the Alan Dershowitz Martha’s Vineyard Pierogi Situation? (It's amazing that only the first story in this section is from a satirical site...)