Let Them Eat Steak

Fancier Feast, Kimmel Strikes Back

I'm probably the world's weirdest vegetarian. I don't have a clear reason for not eating meat, I just never have, even when I was kid. Since I've never had it, I don't miss it and I don't crave it. The only time I'm ever really tempted to try meat is when I give my beagles their chicken jerky treats. Selling points include the smell, the texture, and the beagles' insane enthusiasm from the time I crack open the pantry door (they even ran over to me as I typed this). I'm probably not the only person to be enticed by some of the modern (and wildly expensive) foods being peddled to our pets these days. But are these so-called human-grade meals really any better for your pets? "Human-grade ingredients are 'stored, handled, processed, and transported in a manner that is consistent and compliant' with human food, meaning the factory or kitchen is licensed to produce food for both humans and animals ... 'this does not translate to improved health benefits, or mean that the ingredients are actually better for your pet.'" Of course, your pet isn't pretending to love you because they find their snack nutritious (any more than your children are). WaPo (Gift Article): Fancy, ‘human-grade’ dog foods are all the rage. Are they healthier?

+ The broader story about fancier feasts for your pet is about the growing economic divide and the fact that many pets eat better than people. Even food that's barely human grade is getting more and more expensive. Are $18 Big Mac meals the price of falling inequality?

2

Killing Time

"Could a president, she asked, be prosecuted for selling pardons or military secrets, or by ordering the assassination of a political opponent?" Judges skeptical of Trump’s immunity appeal at court hearing. But skepticism takes time and Trump's legal team is trying to run out the clock. (For those scoring at home, we've now been waking up to Trump news for seven years.)

+ Both Brazil and America suffered Capitol Riots. Only one of the presidential instigators is still in his country and still leading his party. "So why have there been such contrasting reactions to such similar threats? Researchers and analysts point to a multitude of reasons, including the countries’ differing political systems, media landscapes, national histories and judicial responses, but one difference especially stands out." Hint: It's the enablers. NYT (Gift Articles): Two Capitol Riots. Two Very Different Results.

3

Who's Got it Better Than Jim?

"Nine years ago, Jim Harbaugh left the NFL and returned to college football with a single focus — to restore a then-struggling Michigan program. He immediately began throwing elbows and inviting controversies. He set up satellite recruiting camps. He accused the SEC of cheating. He held sleepovers at prospects' houses. He feuded with coaches and scraped with officials. He walked around asking, 'Who’s got it better than us?' even when he was losing three games a year, including to Ohio State." Harbaugh missed six games this season due to suspension. Stories like that don't usually end in championships. But protagonists of stories aren't usually like Jim Harbaugh. (Which may come as a relief to stories.) After season of chaos, Michigan's Jim Harbaugh is on top of college football.

+ Michigan tops Washington to win CFP national championship.

+ The Ringer: The Legacy of This Michigan Season Will Live On Forever. (If you have friends who went to Michigan, it may live on a lot longer than that...)

4

The Pillow Guise

"As they weathered the pandemic from their apartment in Queens, N.Y., he gave in to temptation. His sweetheart worked as an executive assistant at Morgan Stanley, and her calendar invites included meetings about planned mergers and acquisitions that involved the investment bank. Teixeira, a compliance executive at a payment-processing company whom she intended to marry, used the information to trade in advance of the deals. It netted him thousands in profits, promises of Rolex watches from friends he tipped off, and the scrutiny of federal officials probing insider trading. He pleaded guilty to a dozen fraud charges in June." WSJ (Gift Article): Love and Deceit: Work-From-Home Era Spawns ‘Pillow Talk’ Insider Trading. (I'll often wait until the moment of ecstasy to inform my wife of startups I've invested in that went out of business. I usually end up sleeping on the porch. In the business, we call this outsider trading.)

5

Extra, Extra

No Middle Ground in Middle East: "What struck me was not just that [2023] was record-breaking, but the amount by which it broke previous records." 2023 confirmed as world's hottest year on record. Dealing with a climate denier? Well, share this headline instead. Almost no one is a money denier. 2023’s billion-dollar disasters list shattered the US record with 28 big weather and climate disasters. Everyone deals with climate change in their own way I guess: Greenland startup begins shipping glacier ice to cocktail bars in the UAE.

+ Two States of Reality: "Blinken said he had promises from four Arab nations and Turkey to help rebuild Gaza after the war. But those nations also want to see an end to the fighting in Gaza and concrete steps toward the eventual creation of a Palestinian state alongside Israel." (Bibi is unlikely to pursue that and, at this point, Palestinians are unlikely to believe it could happen.) In Israel, Blinken looks to planning for a post-war Gaza as bombardments rage on.

+ Thirty Something: Gabriel Attal, Macron's pick for Prime Minister, is France's youngest at 34, and first openly gay PM.

+ Whatchu Talking About Willis? "District Attorney Fani Willis improperly hired an alleged romantic partner to prosecute Donald Trump and financially benefited from their relationship, according to a court motion filed Monday which argued the criminal charges in the case were unconstitutional." Filing alleges ‘improper’ relationship between Fulton DA, top Trump prosecutor. (This could end up being much more of a political story than a legal one, but it's worth keeping an eye on...)

+ Frightening in a Bottle: Scientists find about a quarter million invisible nanoplastic particles in a liter of bottled water.

+ Ouch: "Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin is being treated for prostate cancer, according to a statement Tuesday from Walter Reed National Military Medical Center ... On January 1, Austin was readmitted to the hospital due to complications ... He was found to have a urinary tract infection, the statement said."

+ Maybe Aaron on the Side of Caution Next Time: It's easy to figure out who to root for in this story. Jimmy Kimmel is one of the best people around and believing nonsense is Aaron Rodgers' achilles heel. Kimmel used his monologue to address Aaron Rodgers' recent ridiculous claim that Kimmel had some connection to Jeffrey Epstein. "This is how these nuts do it now. You don’t like Trump, you’re a pedophile. It’s their go-to move, and it shows you how much they actually care about pedophilia." Sadly, Kimmel is dead-on. A lot of people believe similar garbage about Biden and a quarter of Republicans believe related views spread by QAnon. Too bad there's not a vaccination for this kind of stupid. Of course, even if there were, Rodgers wouldn't take it. (He's the worst Jet ever, and I'm including the Boeing 737 Max 9.)

6

Bottom of the News

Overnight lines and mayhem in stores. It's not a new iPhone — it's a Stanley tumbler. (Sure, they're nice. But could one survice a 16,000 foot drop from a plane?)

+ Paul Giamatti with his Golden Globe at an after party, at In-n-Out.