Meta has to pay a $17 billion fine for what they did to become a $1.5 trillion company. That oughta teach ‘em a lesson. Actually, that doesn’t really do justice to the financial slap on the wrist Meta just got in their settlement over claims that their products endangered children. They have a decade to make good on the settlement, and “the full value of Meta’s payout depends on whether other social media companies also settle with the states and agree to financial penalties and product changes. Meta will initially pay about $12 billion. It will pay an additional $5 billion if Snap, TikTok and YouTube also settle with the states and agree to financial penalties and product changes.” Meanwhile, Meta’s stock rose on the news, and at points during the trading day, the company gained more in marketcap than they’ll ever be required to pay out in fines. What amounts to financial rounding errors aside, the bigger news here is that the tide appears to have turned, at least a little, when it comes to this issue. “The settlement could signal an inflection point for a social media industry that has largely escaped regulatory scrutiny over the harms its products have caused children.” NYT (Gift Article): Meta to Pay Up to $17.1 Billion in Landmark Settlement Over Social Media Addiction Claims.
+ The settlement itself is actually less about money and more about future requirements. The Verge: Meta agrees to heavy restrictions on teen users in major lawsuit settlement. “Under the terms of the settlement, which resolves claims by a larger group of 47 states and several districts and territories, Meta agreed to come up with an age assurance standard that is subject to independent testing, and must have a false positive rate no higher than 10 percent for users aged 16 to 17, and 3 percent for users aged 13 to 15. The company also agreed to give teens the option to turn off personalized feeds, meaning that they won’t be shown content based on Meta’s recommendation algorithm, and Meta will suspend push notifications for teens between 10 PM and 7 AM unless parents disable those restrictions, as well as limit teens to two hours of Meta app usage per day.”
+ Ironically, big tech companies are finally being forced to acknowledge the damaging qualities of their wares at a moment when they’re moving on to a much more sweeping and powerful set of tools. Whether you read Bill Gates’ warnings about this moment in AI development in his interview with MIT Tech Review, the NYT, the WSJ, or his own personal blog, the message is basically the same. Insiders are extremely worried about the pace at which AI is developing (even though they don’t usually admit that in public), outsiders (including governments) aren’t doing nearly enough to address (or even understand) the issue, and thus, we’re not ready for what’s coming. So we’re addressing yesterday’s concerns as today’s are passing us by.
2
United States of Dolly
It looks like there’s still something that can unite Americans: a love for Dolly Parton. NYT (Gift Article): Dolly Parton, Superstar Whose Songs Spoke to Millions, Dies at 80. And David Graham in The Atlantic (Gift Article) on The Transcendence of Dolly Parton. “The late singer was perhaps the only person in the United States who commanded nearly universal affection.” Part of the reason the loss of Dolly Parton hits so hard is that her whole being stood in such stark and glorious contrast to the times in which we’re living and being led. Dolly Parton was the epitome of the decent American. Pro-reading, pro-vaccines, pro-LGBTQ, pro-minorities, pro-underdogs, pro-union, talented, kind, generous, giving. She didn’t talk politics, but in an era when everything is political, she was the rags-to-riches anti-Trump, and she was so supremely successful in that endeavor, even he had to lower the flag in her honor.
+ Her Imagination Library has gifted 332,411,218 books, and counting.
+ Xochitl Gonzalez in The Cut: “ Growing up, Dolly Parton’s unabashed femininity helped me define and embrace my own.” Thank God for Dolly’s Boobs.
+ Dolly Parton: Photos From an Extraordinary Life and Career.
3
Heg Stands
Here’s another ridiculous 2026 headline: Before Hegseth fired him, top general was advised to drop Kid Rock probe. These silly acts are a joke, but no one is laughing because of the serious times in the department where they’re being carried out. “The Army has not had a chief of staff, the service’s top officer, since Mr. Hegseth fired Gen. Randy George without explanation in April, and there are no signs that he is close to filling the position, said current and former officials speaking on the condition of anonymity to discuss sensitive personnel matters. Mr. Hegseth has forced out at least three senior officers who had been viewed as potential successors to General George.” (Did I mention that we were in a war during this period?) NYT (Gift Article): Hegseth’s Purge of Top Generals Leaves the Army Rudderless.
4
How We Roll
“When riderless testing began last month, residents in nearby Toluca Lake were delighted, with several calling the attraction ‘whisper quiet.’ Then came the riders. Every 30 seconds or so, for 10 hours straight, according to interviews with more than a dozen homeowners, the air is now filled with the sound of humans who fear they’re in mortal peril.” Universal’s New Coaster Is a Scream. That’s the Problem.
+ Those who haven’t blocked out the Covid year know there’s a pretty simple fix for this. In July of 2020, the Fuji-Q Highland amusement park outside of Tokyo reopened under tight pandemic rules: riders of the park’s famed Fujiyama Roller Coaster were required to wear face masks and were advised not to scream to avoid unnecessary germ spread. When park attendees complained that being told not to scream on such a scary ride was an impossible demand, the amusement park released a video of two park executives in suits, and without a hair out of place, who sat completely stone-faced through the entire roller coaster ride. The video, which went viral, ended with the message: Please Scream Inside Your Heart.” The moment was so notable that someone even used that phrase as the title of an excellent book.
5
Extra, Extra
Punting on the Issue: “Fans know too much to plead ignorance. They now know, thanks to a new study, that at least one in four former N.F.L. players had C.T.E. among the nearly 900 who died between 2016 and 2021. We are living in an era of cognitive dissonance, sociologists said. How many C.T.E. cases, they wondered, are too many for fans’ collective consciousness? What would it take to quit watching, or to quit sending children into the scrum? How many irreversibly damaged brains in the N.F.L. would turn away the masses?” John Branch in the NYT (Gift Article): As C.T.E. Cases Soar, Why Do Football Crowds Still Go Wild? (This is a follow-up to yesterday’s lead story: There’s fantasy football and then there’s football’s fantasy.)
+ Flash Flood: A flash flood on the Nepal-Tibet border has killed more than 150, with hundreds of tourists missing. Here’s the latest from BBC.
+ Binge and Splurge: “Artificial intelligence is no longer primarily a stock market story. It is a story of debt, and that should worry us. Unfortunately, manias fueled mainly by credit almost inevitably end badly.” Robin Wigglesworth: This Is How the A.I. Debt Binge Sinks the Economy.
+ Grahamed if You Do, Grahamed if You Don’t: “Her win came after an endorsement from President Trump, backing her for a full term in the seat formerly held by her brother, the late Sen. Lindsey Graham.” With a boost from Trump, Sen. Darline Graham wins GOP nomination for U.S. Senate in South Carolina. (It’s a short-term loss for merit. But will it provide a long-term opportunity for Dems?)
+ Sky Rizz: “A presidential decree praised Musk ‘for outstanding personal contributions to protecting human life and freedom,’ while Ukraine pushes for permission to use Starlink over Russian territory.” Ukraine awards Elon Musk high state honor as it seeks to expand Starlink access.
+ Tim Curry: “A prolific performer across stage, screen and TV, the actor starred in Legend, Clue and It, but will always be associated with the flamboyantly camp rock’n’roll musical in which he made his breakthrough.” Tim Curry, star of The Rocky Horror Picture Show and Stephen King’s It, dies at 80.
6
Bottom of the News
“Though American toilet paper and tissues are often made domestically, they heavily rely on lumber-rich Canada for raw materials. Procter & Gamble, the owner of Charmin toilet paper, said last year that it would have to increase prices amid tariffs that were in place at the time.” Wiped out: US faces surging toilet paper prices amid trade war with Canada. As if we didn’t already know this trade war was ass backwards...
I recommend listening to Dolly singing Stairway to Heaven. Very. Different from Led Zepplin.
I can't condemn Ukraine for praising Musk in order to save their lives, but man is that an honor he only deserves on Opposite Day.