You Reap What You Row

The Nor Way, Smoking is on Fire

Last week, I saw a hilarious social media post that featured a photo of smiling Norwegian soccer star and viral sensation Erling Haaland with the caption: “One thousand years ago this is the last thing you saw before your skull was caved in by a battle axe.” That may have been true back then. These days, Erling Haaland’s face, and his team in general, makes you feel another way: Happy. As the World Cup semifinals kick off, I know it’s a bit odd to be leading the day’s news with a story about a team that’s no longer in the competition. But since they seem a lot happier than the rest of us, I’m trying to adopt a more Nordic view of things, and a key part of that perspective is that winning is not everything (in sports at least, axe battles are another matter). And from the Winter Olympics to the World Cup, not focusing on winning has led to a whole lot of winning. “How does Norway do it? What’s going on in those fjords, exactly? One answer is that, from the youngest ages, Norway thinks about sports in a radically different way. In Norway, teams do not keep score before children turn 11, and the players cannot be separated into ranks until they are 12 or 13. Sports begin not as a race to the top, but as a constitutionally guaranteed social benefit for all, a place to learn, grow, and – perhaps most importantly – have fun.” CS Monitor: Why is tiny Norway so good at sports? It’s more than Erling Haaland.

+ A short video from NBC’s Olympic coverage. The Nor-Way: Turning good times into gold medals.

+ Think this attitude is all hype? Well, consider how Norwegians dealt with the massive disappointment of losing in the WC quarterfinals. Norway turns World Cup heartbreak into celebration as huge crowds pack Oslo. More than 100,000 fans flooded the streets of Oslo as the team led one more Viking Row.

+ Don’t worry. There’s still some overlap between our cultures. Stubborn Norway fan refuses to do Viking Row at World Cup because it’s factually inaccurate.

2

Protection Racket

In what could have doubled as a line from Goodfellas, President Trump announced that the United States would be running the Strait of Hormuz and charging a 20% fee on all passing ships, a payment plan which Trump described as America being “reimbursed for protection.” The idea didn’t go over too well. Anywhere. Thus, a day or so later, Trump “announced a reversal of plans to charge a 20% toll on cargo going through the Strait of Hormuz, saying that Middle Eastern countries will instead make investment and trade deals with the U.S.” When it comes to the war and peace negotiations, Trump has been doing more strike that, reverse it than Willie Wonka. We have to hope that blurting out and then taking back statements, plans, strategies, and ceasefires will somehow lead to a desired outcome.

+ “Those Investments will be MASSIVE but, at the same time, extraordinarily good for them, and their future. As everyone is aware, we have the largest Dollar Investment into the United States, of any Country in History, but these new Investments will make that Number even larger, and we will see Factories, Plants, and Equipment pour into the United States at Historic levels, which will create additional millions of High Paying AMERICAN Jobs! America is WINNING again, winning like never before. The days of Iran killing hundreds of thousands of people, including 52,000 protestors, are OVER and, most importantly, IRAN WILL NEVER HAVE A NUCLEAR WEAPON!” (Wow, that sounds good. Let’s lock that in before he changes his mind...) Here’s the latest from The Guardian and BBC.

3

Puff Piece

I watch pretty much all of TV. And I’ve noticed a pretty extreme trend. Nearly everyone is smoking. And it turns out that the smoking is not limited to times when the camera is rolling. Cigarettes seem to be on fire again. “Are cigarettes back? Depending on who you ask, cigarettes never really left. But the attitude toward cigarettes and smokers has shifted. After a period of exile to the cultural fringes — when a cig was something you snuck, or that might have gotten you scolded or side-eyed — cigarettes seem to be creeping back to the aspirational center, among both civilians and celebrities. Think of Kylie Jenner lighting a cigarette on her March Vanity Fair cover; Hailey Bieber, a cigarette sticking out of her smile and smoke unfurling in her face, in April’s Interview magazine; ‘Heated Rivalry‘s Connor Storrie posing with a cigarette perched in his pout while prepping for the Met Gala, in GQ. Look at Gracie Abrams, photographed with boyfriend Paul Mescal’s arm around her shoulder and a cigarette in her mouth, or to the woman exuding the most enviable aura around: Dua Lipa, whose pre-wedding Instagram photo dump captioned ‘anyone got a light?’ featured a shot of a cigarette dangling from the pop star’s pursed lips.” WaPo (Gift Article): Cigarettes are back in vogue. How did this happen?

4

Driving Miss Hazy

Autonomous vehicles have taken care of the driving duties. But there’s a nagging problem. The passengers are still human. “Passengers are falling asleep, spilling drinks, dropping food, vomiting, experiencing medical emergencies and, in at least two instances, giving birth in the cars. They stumble out of the vehicles and forget to close the doors, forcing the operators to pay nearby gig workers to do it.” (”I was born in a Waymo” is the first line of a memoir I would definitely read...) Bloomberg (Gift Article): Robotaxi Riders Are Falling Asleep, Sparking Frantic 911 Calls.

5

Extra, Extra

Road Rage: “The order comes after ICE officers killed two people over the past week in Houston and the coastal city of Biddeford, Maine, amid a recent surge in immigration arrests. Both were shot after agents tried to stop their vehicles, according to the Department of Homeland Security.” ICE Ordered to Cease Most Vehicle Stops After 2 Killings in a Week. And, ‘Misuse’ of crowd control weapons on ICE protesters led to blindings and traumatic brain injuries. Meanwhile, Mexico demands criminal investigations into ICE killings.

+ Check and Balances: “Three years ago, a unanimous nine-person jury found President Trump liable for sexually assaulting and defaming E Jean Carroll. Today, we are pleased to report that she has received the damages payment the jury awarded her as a result of that verdict.” E Jean Carroll receives $5.6m owed by Trump after court releases damages. (Trump paying for a crime is the ultimate man bites dog story of 2026. So is the fact that the check cleared.)

+ Another Brick in the Fall: “Using all the tools at our government’s disposal, working beside every ally with whom we can make common cause, we will dismantle the I.C.C. — brick by brick, if necessary.” Secretary of State Marco Rubio said that the United States will dismantle’ the international court that tries grave crimes. (I wonder what worries them about this court?)

+ K Mart: For those scoring at home: Trump Was Paid $2 Million by South Korean Company Facing a Trade Investigation. “The payment illustrates the minefield Mr. Trump has created by maintaining personal financial ties with foreign businesses while he is in office.” (It’s not a minefield, it’s a goldmine.)

+ Sister Act: South Carolina’s governor names Lindsey Graham’s sister to serve out his term.

+ To the Victor Belong the Spoils: Here’s a lede that summarizes our era: “The right-wing preacher turned politician Victor Marx has said that he first killed a man when he was 7. He’s not sure how many deaths he’s been responsible for since. Marx has been arrested at least twice for disorderly conduct and has described terrorizing a psychiatrist with talk of murdering him. He told the Colorado journalist Kyle Clark that he can perform exorcisms by phone. On Thursday he was declared the winner of the Republican gubernatorial primary in Colorado.”

+ Sugar on Top: “Our understanding of the Milky Way just got a little bit sweeter. For the first time, scientists have spotted sugar in interstellar space, providing an important clue about the origins of sugar on Earth and possibly the rise of life.” (Next we’ll find out that the Milky Way has Type 2 Diabetes. At least it’s not lactose intolerant.)

6

Bottom of the News

Think Outside the Buns? “State and federal officials are looking into whether Taco Bell restaurants may have been a source of food contaminated with the single-cell parasite.” Probe into explosive diarrheal cases points to Taco Bell and bad lettuce. (Just reading that headline gave me a stomachache.)